Lust & Awe (Part 2)

REWIND…

And so love is commitment but it is quiet. It is promise but it is friendship. It is without compromise but it is patient. It is kind. It does not envy and it does not boast. It keeps no records of rights. It keeps no records of wrongs. It only rejoices in the truth. It always protects. It also hopes. It always perseveres.

But this is not what I am interested in!

Part 2

written on December 5th, 2010.

What an impossible idea!

It always protects? It always hopes? It always perseveres? It keeps no records of rights or wrongs? It is commitment? It is patient? It does not envy? It does not boast?

Who can honestly say they are ready for this? Unless you are innocent like a child or willing to give up the novel and interesting you aren’t ready.

I’m not ready.

I have an idea of what it means to commit. I have seen it in my aging parents and my departed grandparents who stayed together until the end: until death did its part.

“Till death do us part”…

It’s not some sentimental phrase or ritualistic line that is said on a sunny day in the middle of a garden with hundreds of guests in attendance.  It’s the difference between us human animals and the other animals. Though it is irrational and goes again natural selection, love is sought out by all who lust.

During the early stages of dating or marriage such a resilient word as love cannot be used! It can only be shown. I can’t post it on my Facebook wall as my religious view. For words are not only incapable of demonstrating the power of love, but they dilute the action.

It is only through years (possibly an entire lifetime) that the meaning of this word is brought into fruition. It’s meaning is determined by how its shown, not how its said.

Now…

If the lust can be harnessed and captured, there must be nothing but total commitment. Directed by a single-will.

So here I am, 24 years old! Am I ready for this? No! No! No!

Why be naive enough to think that I am. All I am ready for is lust and nothing beyond that. The new girl is still interesting to me. A pretty girl I’ve never seen still excites me and confuses my will. Seeing you walk down the glen in your red raincoat is still the most exciting part of my day. It makes my mind double…

Even if Love does provide me with all the joy in the world it still demands from me an unyielding commitment. It demands a single-mind and a single-will. There can’t be a divided will. I can’t say/think, “I love her, but…” Whether it’s marriage or common law, the name of the game is commitment and unless we’re just fooling around like a couple of kids then commitment is what we sign up for.

So am I ready for this?

Again, I know what this all means. I have seen it all all around me. It is a daily decision. Some days are bliss, most days are routine but there are those days which test the will and see whether it truly is single or double. They test whether the relationship exists because it’s interesting and convenient or something more.

I won’t make a choice like this merely because it is conveient and novel. I must rid myself of the desire to want something that I’m not ready for.

There’s nothing convenient about a single-mind.
There’s nothing convenient about giving up the novelty.
There’s nothing convenient about choosing just one person.

A life of lust is much more convenient than a life of love!

But love, they say, is perfect.

That’s what I’ve been told.

That’s what I believe.

But it’s not for anyone and it is not for me right now. Everything has its time.

If Love is Perfect, Patience ties it in a bow.

Tags: , , , ,

Categories: culture, Existential Ideas

Subscribe

Subscribe to our RSS feed and social profiles to receive updates.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: