lust and awe (part 1)

On the train I passed beautiful valleys, streams, forests and towns, but I couldn’t write about any of the things in my sight, the only thing I could write about was the thing that was now out of sight…

Part II of Somewhere Like Her Is Always A Surprise

written on December 5th, 2010.

The thing that is now out of sight is the only thing that I want.

If a man ever wins your love, I hope you’ll make him as happy by being everything for him, as you made me by being nothing for me.

You did nothing for me, but you were there.

And by being there you were everything. Even more than is appropriate to admit. I’m ashamed to admit that at times you were more for me than my own religion.

And why should I try to avoid this truth? If it’s true, then it’s true. Why pretend?

It’s the one word spoken in the tearoom. The picture posted on the newsfeed. The voice of the person behind you. The legs of the girl 100 feet away.

Lust has made even the greatest men give up entire kingdoms.

But lust is the fuel of all great love stories.

Why pretend this isn’t so? This is exactly where love must begin! In that sudden feeling of awe is the possibility of more.

But this sudden feeling of awe rarely becomes anything more. Because 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 even 24 year olds are more interested in changing the world and finding their salvation, than admitting that they are lusting over someone else. They’d rather blog and twitter about hopefulness and loneliness instead of going up to someone and just asking…

They’d rather visit a 3rd world country that they can hardly pronounce the name of in order to avoid going up to that one girl in order to see if that feeling of awe can become something more.

All love must begin with lust.

Lust is the match.

Easily lit and easily used to light a well-prepared fire. But if lust is the match, then love must be the flame. No! Love is not the flame. The flame is also lust! The flame of the fire is just an extension of the flame of the match. What faults, then flickers, glows, soon glitters! Sometimes blazing and sometimes mere embers. Love is the wood. Love is the fuel which keeps the flame possible and visible. But love must be kept hidden. Love must never be shown. Only lust can be shown in public. Love is not something visible. It is kept safe like a secret. When asked, “How does that fire provide so much heat and awe?” The answer is buried underneath the flames. Love must be buried underneath lust.

So then who is ready for this?

Love is only for the mature man. The man that is willing to hike into the woods and chop down a tree in the middle of the night in order to provide the wood which is necessary to make the flames burn. And in the summer months when the fire is easily lit, the mature man gathers piles of wood to help fuel the fire for the cold harsh winter months. He understands what it means to make a commitment. He has made a choice to keep the fire burning and is willing to work day and night to ensure that the flame is burning.

And so love is commitment but it is quiet. It is promise but it is friendship. It is without compromise but it is patient. It is kind. It does not envy and it does not boast. It keeps no records of rights. It keeps no records of wrongs. It only rejoices in the truth. It always protects. It also hopes. It always perseveres.

But this is not what I am interested in!


Part 2 tomorrow morning…

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Categories: Existential Ideas


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