sleep with someone you can smile with

Just the other night I was having a “calm tea” at a nearby Starbucks. I was reading a book entitled, “Purity of Heart is to Will One Thing” (Kierkegaard). I was sitting on one of a series of sofas; they had been arranged as if we were in a living room. To my immediate left was a small desk and beside that was someone else, enjoying her own selected hot drink and book.

I got up to go to the washroom and put my book face-up on the desk. When I came back, she said, “That’s an interesting title.” I said, “I know. The title is hard enough to get through…”

“What is it about”

“It’s sort of about me and God. It talks about how I tell God (sometimes) that I want him in my life at certain moments and out of my life at other moments.”

“Like, you wrote it?”

“No, the author wrote it like 150 years ago, but it feels like he directed it at me.”

“So, is it a novel?”

“No, it’s sort of like religious poetry.”

“And what’s the point of it?”

“Well the author is trying to convince me to give up on God.”

“Oh so it’s written by an atheist?”

“No, actually the author was a devout Christian.”

“Then why would he want you to give up on God?”

“Good question. Well… because… I have more than one thing in my life right now and I want both of them to be at the centre.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“How can people have two centres?”

The conversation continued for another 15 minutes.

I guess this is a subject that really fascinates me. I’ve had to ask my self: Why do you have your tent set-up in two camps? Won’t you understand the one camp more thoroughly if you fully commit to it? Sleep there, cook there, live there. Make a choice and commit to it. Don’t choose something out of the fear of punishment or because it is your family tradition. Choose it for your self; because you believe it.

When the lights are turned off and it’s time to go to sleep you must sleep, if with no one else, your self. And isn’t it better that you sleep with someone you can live with? Isn’t it better to go to sleep with someone you can smile with? The morning will come soon and the sunlight will make all your things transparent.

But as months go by you must be honest with your self. “Is this the sort of person I want to take with me from this day forward? Is this the life I believe in?”

Wittgenstein says, “”I never believed in God before” – that I understand. But not: “I never really believed in Him before”.”

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Categories: Existential Ideas


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